Super Duped Tuesday

So this is what its come to, almost a full year of insanely boring minute by minute coverage of what the candidates will be wearing, having for lunch, and so on. Ive done a great job of staying far away from politics ever since grade school but I have to admit that the thought of finally being able to dismiss the bumbling redneck from office gets me awfully excited. For the first time in my life the Bush adminstration has done nothing more for me than make me embarassed to be an American. Before our nation of god fearing incest-bred derelict population banded together, accepted their free toaster ovens in return for votes, and put him into office I use to hold my head high in all other foreign countries. Proud, and "yes sir I will answer any questions you may have about my great nation." Sadly those days have been on sabatacle only to return once the moron has been removed.

Most of the people interviewed during the primaries are quoted as saying this is "the most important election in their life" And if this is true I think we should implement some new requirements to make it not only more interesting but to also add challenges that will really show us who is really full of the true grit needed to lead our great country. For example, instead of just sodomizing the romantic areas of our brains with speaking well and answering questions any 7th grader can answer, I feel that after every sppeech or debate the candidates should ahve to partake in some sort of physical challenge. Remember the game show "Double Dare"? One of the most popular events was that the contestant had to don clown pants and attempt to catch cream pies in those clown pants while his/her partner launched pies from a catapult across the studio. Or how about American Gladiator with that giant Q-Tip Joust on raised pedestals? I just think this is still our country, and we can decide the prerequisites to be our leader at anytime. Shit, these events could be done strictly on pay-per-view and caring citizens can pay to watch this battle. Hell, the money from the pay-per-view revenue can go right back into their (the candidates) campaign fund. Maybe this will slow them from lobbying with white collar criminals to obtain the greenbacks they desperately need.

I thought it should be my duty to catch up with voters in Bridgeport, CT. to see where people stood and hopefully they could share with me their sincerest thoughts on the candidates and where their loyalties lie.

Of course when i reached the voting site it wasnt yet open because the janitor was late with the keys. This was off to a good start. I looked around at the growing crowd and started to find my targets. The first was a women of 50 wearing a pant suit by Lepore and no jewelry except for a cartier watch. I took off my bandana, extinguished my cigarette..

DMS: "Excuse me Mrs. Can I ask you a quick question about your toughts on the primaries?"

Women: "Of course, are you a reporter?"

DMS: "Something like that, Whos got your vote, the minority or thunder thighs?"

Women: giggles "Im going with Obama."

DMS: "So even after it was reported that he was a closet nudist and possible violator of farm animals through forced fellatio youre still going to look past his personal interests and hobbies and just vote according to basic leadership? Thats very noble of you Ma'am. I wish all Americans were as opended minded as you."

So she stomped off just as the doors were opening and went straight to a security guard to report my weird behavior. I needed the facts but it was best that I leave. And quickly. After all, I am a convicted felon and anymore arrests this year will definitely result in a lengthy prison term. Im just not ready to be violated everyday. If I had desired that result I would just get married.

All in all I believe that we should eliminate the role of "President" in our country's government. Im sure we can list any possible presidential decision on a giant wheel and give it a spin. It would eliminate the possibility of any scandal and we would all have some fun n the process. Most of us will get old, really sick, and then croak. Thats pretty serious. I think its time to integrate a little fun and adventure into all aspects of life. Right? Dont we owe it to ourselves?