Monday, June 30, 2008

A Sabbatical Of Sorts/A Break from the Election




Christ! Its tough keeping up with Politics. It requires more attention and energy than my previous vice: Heroin. And all of you know how much that took out of me.

Anyways, Im taking a few days to ease my mind the only way I know how; Diving into hard core pornography and turning off my phone. With any luck I'll injury myself within the first few days of the demanding 24 hour constant masturbation ritual and I'll be forced to take a break from that too before dying from exhaustion.

If that happens, well...I'll just have to chalk it up as another Sports Injury and take myself off the roster for a few days. My trainer will be offering me sound advice over mojitos telling me to "Keep the ice on that arm, otherwise you'll never get through Drunk Russian Girls Vol. 7 ...Its a goddam 4 hour video Doug and Thats just the bare minimum its going to take just to get you nationally ranked. I'm training you to be the next champ in your field, we are going home with that fucking trophy whether you like it or not!"

I cant blame him for that disposition either. He is a professional just like myself, and theres will never be room for amateurs who find nobility in making it just far enough to take second or third place.

I'll leave you with this Political gem courtesy of James Carville "Winning is about fucking your enemies, and elections are about fucking your friends" Selah

The Most Flawed Canidate in History Part 1



How to ruin America, the new chic is fascism, get out of the way and empty your pockets...the government needs more of your money


I know what youre thinking: "Doug, you must be tweaking on good dope to doubt the Mesiah, Our Savior!"

Not exactly. I have this totally orthodox way of assessing current events and politics. I use a method called "objective thinking". Its a strange concept but this is how it basically works: I dont believe anything I read in the media until Ive been able to research it inside and out, even then I dont even form an opinion (that would be subjective) but rahter relay the facts to everyone that doesnt have the time to research things like I do. So here we go, lets take a look at what 48% (AP wire current polls as of 6/19) of America is ready for: Change!

I present you with the Obama Doctrine, designed by the most Flawed Canidate in American History. This is looking to be a 23 part series (im not kidding)Everyday we will cover a new area of interest. Todays is TAXES

The Policies that I find absolutely terrifying:

The Highest tax raising across the board in the History Of America. "Pay More, Have Less"

1)Income Tax: This will be the highest raise ever in American History and this one is a two part/Double Whammy. Obama wants to let the Bush Income Tax Cut run out and NOT renew it. Then he is proposing to raise it to 39%!
a) Personal Income tax-(I know what youre thinking: "Damn straight, lets take down the rich." Ok, no problem. But who do you think a higher income tax is going to hurt the most? Middle class and the Poor.
b) Corporate Income tax-"yeah, lets stop all those corporations dead in their tracks" Heres the thing; corporations DO NOT PAY TAXES!! If their taxes go up, they pass the cost on to the consumer by raising prices for their goods and services. So we, the consumer, will not only be paying more in our own personal income tax but the cost of everything will also have to go up. Nice!

Windfall Profit Taxes on Oil Companies-If you havent noticed we are on the brink of a severe energy crisis in America. Democrats that are sided with the Environmentalist Lobby have blocked us from producing any of our own energy in every possible way. I'll address the energy problems and costs below. For Now lets stick to the tax, I have a few crazy ideas. Im no Economist but I do have common sense and heres what Im wondering:
1)How does the Windfall Profit Tax help the big evil oil companies to produce any additional oil? It seems to me that along with the other 2,843 regulations that are put on them that a new tax would in fact increase their overall operating costs. (See above). Also remember, we now believe Big Oil is evil, well if thats true do you think that they wont retaliate if there is an unjustified additional tax put on them?
2)"Obscene Profits" is how Obama summed up the oil companies and their dollars. However, Big oil operates with an 8% profit margin. (The lowest profit margin of any industry in the world) Thats .08 on the dollar. The federal and state gas tax is an average of .18 on the dollar. Our government makes more money on Gasoline than the oil companies and for doing absolutely nothing. Do you realize that if Jimmy Choo, Juicy, or Dolce Y Gabana operated with an 8% profit margin most of their clothes would be in Walmart for $14.99 and less. So I guess an 8% profit margin is only unacceptable if you deal in energy. Lets take a look at some other Big Business in America and why we arent hitting them for their "Obscene Profits"
>Brewers-10%
>Electronics14%
>Microsoft-27%
>Hedgefunds-87%!!! Thats a license to print money. Do you realize that the top hedgefund managers make an average of $900 Million a year? Im not talking about the top Hedgefund managing companies, Im talking about Individual people. Geoffrey Epstein in Greenwhich makes 800 million a year, isnt that an obscene profit? Why isnt Obama and the Dem party going after the Hedgefund managers? Oh wait, I remember now...Its because Dems work in them and own them. Chelsea Clinton works for a hedgefund, John Edwards owns one. So I guess they would never tax themselves. By the way, last year on Wall Street, Bonuses for Hedgefund managers totaled 14 Billion dollars. Thats aside from their salaries. I know youre thinking, "But theres hundreds of thousands of people that work on Wall Street so thats not so bad. Yeah right, that 14 billion dollars in bonuses was split between 8 individuals!

Capitol Gains Tax-
Obama was asked if he was aware that raising the Capitol Gains tax in a poor economy would dramatically hurt the entire economy further. He admitted to knowing that and still sticks to his guns and wants to raise it.

Estate Tax-Otherswise known as the "Death Tax". Obama wants this raised to 40%!! So if you work hard your entire life, raise a family, and live the American Dream provided to you through hardwork and peserverance you will now (under his policy) have to give up 40% of everything (money, property, etc) to the Government just because you died. Why even bother working hard to leave anything to your kids. Heres a secret: Dems rejected the minimum wage increase for 10 years in congress when it was proposed by the Republican party. The only way they would accept it was if attached to the same bill was a hike in estate tax. Think about how Ridiculous this is.

I'll Back tomorrow with more Hot Button Issues and the Truth that the liberal media seems to be conveniently leaving out. Plus remember, we cant ever question the Mesiah, Our Savior. Please

Friday, June 20, 2008

Those sly little Polar Bears/Global Warming Update and Al Gore The Professional TARD




Hey Do you guys remember Dirk Kempthorne (Secretary of the Interior) ? Me neither! But I'll tell you who he is.

Hes the savior of the Polar Bears getting them on the Endangered Species List!!!

WoooHoooo!!

That was done because Core Ice in the Polar Regions were melting and their living spaces were becoming obsolete right?

WRONG! lets get educated first then get involved.

Heres parts from his interview on the Glenn Beck Show today:

Excuse me, he put them on the "Threatened List" first and then put them on the endangered list to gain more protection for these great animals.

But lets find out why:
***************************************************************************************
Glenn Beck asking about Polar Bear Population:

GLENN: Population has gone up from 5,000 to 25,000.



INTERIOR SECRETARY KEMPTHORNE: It has. And much of that is based on hunting has been restricted. In this ruling we found oil and gas activity has no effect on the polar bear and since 1972 we have been operating under the Marine Mammal Protection Act, which is more stringent than the Endangered Species Act. So on this ruling I simply married the two together so that the activities of those that have been operating for 30-plus years under Marine Mammal Protection Act, they understand how it works and so it doesn't change how they operate.



(Oh so, the drastic reduction in their numbers over the past few decades have been from Illegal hunters.

Hmmmm Thats not what Ive been reading in every newspaper, magazine, and web site for the past 5 years)

So im starting to get it now. Maybe Al Gore was just really misinformed. Interestingly enough Al Gore took a challenge last year as well to prove that energy conservation would be part of the solution to help slow down Green House gasses. So, he monitored his own Kilowatt (Electric use) in his own home for the period of one year.

Being the King Hell Advocate of Global Warming I bet the reduction of the electricity he used would be a monumental example for all of us to follow in the near future right?

WRONG!

His Electrical usage is up 10% (in kilowatts) from last year. His mansion in Nashville requires the same amount of electricity to power 23 average homes. ( or 230 regular homes for a month) Isnt this the same guy who is telling us all to shrink our own carbon footprints by taking cold showers, not turning on the AC, drying our clothes on a clothesline, etc? Plus he has a Gulfstream 2 Private Jet that he takes everywhere to discuss reducing our carbon footprint.

Oh the irony!!!

Links to articles
http://www. foxnews. com/story/0,2933,369084,00. html

http://www. glennbeck. com/content/articles/article/198/11539/

http://www. tennesseepolicy. org/main/article. php?article_id=764

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

My Letter To Obama

This letter was faxed last week directly to Obama's Headquarters

Douglas Matthew Stewart
National Affairs Desk
Democratic Preservation Society

To: B. Obama
Re: Moving Forward/Gaining Points Urgent
Cc: G. McGovern, H. Reed, N. Pelosi, R. Limbaugh


Dear Senator,

Allow me to congratulate you in advance on your landslide victory making 2008 the year that all of America was awaken by a true agent of change. This election is yours Mr. President, If I may be so bold. However, there are a few key points that need to be addressed in order to ensure this victory. I've taken the liberty to outline them below for immediate review. For better or for worse, we are in The Business.

Your opposition, mainly bible thumping conservatives, are on their last leg fighting viciously to the death like an injured badger cornered by hunting dogs. They are down to the last of their ammunition, which happens to be, running you through the mud by questioning your personal relationships with a handful of semi-politically active acquaintances. Their efforts in turn are painfully obvious to the American People that they have no where else to turn and they can clearly see the practice of maintaining division through the tired tactics of David Duke style propaganda. But so what? They forget that you are from Chicago and to make it out of Chicago politics (or in) without having to deal with the swine is impossible. Im in Chicago often and when I come home I come back so crooked that I need to be screwed down to an ECT table at Whiting Forensic for a few days, just to straighten myself back out.

They (Conservatives) claim to be the stepping stones of Democracy. Well...If thats true then you must use them accordingly..Step on them and stand tall! By the end of this year we, together, will right all the wrongs and we will run Joe Lieberman out of DC. Next year he will be working as an Asst. Manager at Circuit City and he will live out his years with contempt and disdain towards politics always reminded of exactly how he missed out when The Fun started.

I fully support your policies that will allow wealth to eventually reach the poor giving them the great chance to finally experience The American Dream. For too long we have sat idle allowing the well-to-do's to drift along comfortably while struggling young families are forced to wait two, three or even four years to obtain an LCD or Plasma High Def TV. Do you know that some Americans dont even have internet access? Its true...I am one of them. But I rest easy knowing this will all soon change. Remember that crazy Rusky named Lenin? Well, he had the same idea as you and the people built statues of him. Its never too soon to secure your Legacy. I suggest we start building Obama statues immediately. We'll start in CT. (How about one on Liebaremans front lawn!! Scratch that) Approve funding immediately. I will create the organization and line up the contractors. Do it Now. This is the most important aspect of your campaign over the next 150 or so days. You're Welcome.

Dont play the age card on McCain-Not even as a passing joke. No-We, The American People, all have one thing in common; When we see good 'ol uncle John we think "My God, He's going to croak any minute!" You just need to remind the American People of what life likes like on Big John's street: There are no kids hula-hooping or riding bikes, uprooted trees lay strewn across the roads making them impassable, families rarely step out of their dilapidated houses and their septic tanks explode flooding the backyards with excrement at noon on the 10th of every month like clockwork. Boom! A shit storm, literally. No wants to live in that neighborhood.

Side note: remember LBJ ("Lets make the bastard deny it")?? Well, if things get tough in the fast lane you could always accuse McCain of selling fat chinese boys out of the back of 18-Wheelers behind a Wal-Mart in Little Rock. Everyone knows its not true but it would make him sweat, and then he would have to deny it. The media would waste weeks on it trying to obtain proof.

Keep Al Gore away from the White House- Please. 163% of Americans believe that he is a human hybrid with the DNA of a Downs Syndrome hyena. If you see him coming turn out the lights and lock the door. Remember Halloween? No one would ever approach the house with the lights out. No lights meant no Goodies. Al Gore will eventually get the picture. Plus most of America is starting to catch on to the business side of Global Warming. A lot of us are starting to follow the money and it doesnt look good. Remember, this is the same guy in 1996 said that we shouldnt sign the Global Warming treaty. People know this now. Plus a lot of us are starting to question why the Livestock industry hasnt been labeled a threat. 18% of all greenhouse gasses (in Co2 equivalent) is created by them [livestock industry], which happens to be larger than the worldwide transportation sector. So we are going to have to outlaw the sale of beef in order to start making positive steps towards improving our great planets health. Eventually the bovine population will wither putting them on the endangered species list. Wait, wouldnt environmentalists take action to restore their numbers putting us right back to where we started? What a paradox! Disregard that for now. I will have to think about it and develop a thorough proposal. When finished we will discuss it over a round of golf. I own plaid pants and promised myself that I would never wear them unless I was playing golf or saving the world. This way I could kill two birds with one stone. God Bless America.

Zero Tolerance to Dictators/Lasers- We are moving towards high impact military lasers Miltary Laser that can melt a tank from 100 miles away at an altitude that is literally outerspace. Immediate development is needed on this technology. Once complete we can tell any dictator to cease any action by saying "Sir, your country needs to stop (insert problem here) Because I have little Sammy Hill, last years Halo3 Champion up there (point up), I dont know exactly where because his location is classified, but if you dont stop (insert problem here) immediately...Well, I'll have him melt your head." (wait for applause). Believe me, no one, no matter how evil they are wants their head melted from a laser fired by a ten year old boy in space. Todays children are Playstation Professionals and we need to invest in them as valuable military assets.

You will find that I am in fact a member of the Republican Presidential Task Force. But never mind that, Ive been on your side from the beginning and I am available for immediate hire.

Well, thats all for now. Please send money immediately as I am finding it near impossible to get by.

Yours in victory,
Douglas M Stewart
203 745 **** (mobile)
702 237 **** (office)