Untapped valuable assets to aid our foreign policy

I know, youre thinking "Uhhhh what does Charles Manson have to do with our foreign policy?" Allow me to explain.

Since the end of World War II our country has had a hard time policing the world. We keep military bases active in just about every country in the world and we also let it be known that if anyone steps out of line we will personally bomb the shit out of them. So why do some countries still test the waters? Do they want a fight? Maybe. I think that any country that is willing to step into the ring with us is tempted by the fact that we spend way too much time discussing what we would like them to do, or trying to reach a peaceful agreement, which is all bullshit and has caused us to be viewed in a whole new light. We arent ass kickers anymore, we're drunk pseudo-bullies that got lucky one night at a party and knocked someone out with one shot. Everyone was afraid of us for a few decades after we nuked Japan but then they realized we're not as tough as we say we are.

Now that any other country that poses a threat to us can see through us like a Zima (and especially since the failed extended weekend in Iraq) we will start to see more and more countries considered "super powers" start to call our bluff. We need and American with real class. This is where Charlie Manson will come in handy:

Whether you are a fan of serial killers or not (I am not) you cant deny that somewhere before their incarceration they had to be true patriots. The freedom granted to them from birth allowed them to live out their twisted lifestyles for a certain amount of time with minimal or no interference. Incarceration has faded that love and appreciation if not completely reversed it. I think its time to harness it, lets use these monsters to our advantage.

Imagine this: Kim Jong-il builds an arsenal of nukes, we keep warning him to stop, he ignores. So we arrange a meeting with our newly appointed Secretary of Defense Charles Manson to meet with the korean midget in a neutral territory such as... well lets say Northwest Frontier Province (Darra) Pakistan--its been labeled the most dangerous area in the world so both Kim and Charlie will appreciate it. Heres the catch, we dont tell him hes meeting with Charles Manson. We send our standard government losers in striped ties and hickey freeman suits to meet with him, and as he starts to negotiate with us we just say "Hold on, were not the ones you need to be speaking with, our superior will be here momentarily"

And then coming over the hills of the Northwest Province: Thousands of Humvees driven by the entire population of Botswana (hired for $25 per person), leading the pack is a bright pink Humvee with Charlie straight-jacketed and strapped to the hood. On the roof, freshly slaughtered goats with IV's running out of there neck in clear tubes directly into Charlies mouth.

In an interview with Manson years ago he said "If i start killing again, there will be none of you left". the American public just laughed and said "Ok Charlie, have fun in your cell" and we never thought twice about it. I guarantee you would feel completely different if Charlie was right in front of you, not in prison, leading a guerilla army, and drinking goat blood so fresh that its still warm.

I guarantee the most evil and caustic dictators will reconsider their nuclear arms program if not run away from an encounter like that.

Plus, we could hire the entire country of Botswana to act as a private military for a mere fraction of the cost to operate our military. Do you know what people in Botswana are doing right now as youre reading this? NOTHING! Theyre not doing a damn thing! Theyre planting seeds in the sand and wondering why nothing has grown. You know why nothing grows? BECAUSE ITS FUCKING SAND! Do you know what its going to be in 100 years? ITS GOING TO BE FUCKING SAND!!

Outsourcing the residents of Botswana, for a minimal fee in US dollars, would make every citizen virtually rich. And we would have saved billions of dollars.

In all fairness the above picture is actually a t-shirt available here