2008 Presidential Election According to Las Vegas

Im sure all of you know that in Las Vegas, with the right bookmaker, you can bet on anything.



I recall a strange an uneventful evening in the "home" suite of Georgie Maloof Jr. (owner of the Palms) breaking this odd news to me. So, being a wise ass, I said ok...I want to bet on the next airline to have a crashed plane with a 50%+ fatality rate.



He said no problem and made a call. 25 minutes later a messenger came to the door and offered a packet of print outs that carried all the odds, including the details you can also bet on or against. Everything from location to extent of property damage, to duration of "clean up" time--it was ridiculous. So I placed a $2000 bet that Delta would be the next one to crashed a hunk of steel into the ground with a 56%+ fatality rate on the eastern seaboard within the next 90 days. I lost the bet and I couldnt pay up, this is why I no longer go to that awful town full of vile mutants.



I seem to have gotten off track

Anyways--I got a call today from a bookmaker friend who told me the line on the 2008 Presidential Race. Dems should be happy---According to them he's [Obama] at almost 2-1 odds against McCain. I dont like either of them, as you know. I think Obama is the mulatto version of George McGovern and I think Johnny GOP is too crusty and lacks charisma. Id like to see Hilary come up from behind like a crazed murderous Batos Locos running rampart in the name of Ruben Salazar screaming "Viva La Raza" and swinging a razor sharp axe directly into the spines of these failures of Democracy. Dont get me wrong, I like Hilary even less than these two, but we cant ignore the fact that the Clintons know how to make Money. And we could all use some. I remember attending a conference where Chelsea spoke last year and that to myself, "maybe I should tag this chic" . And why not? I can adapt very well to the Clinton lifestyle. I figure they average about 12 million a year, and which i magine, most of it probably goes in the bank. well, things would be a little different if i was breaking off Chelsea on a regular basis. First I would suggest buying a small island-A spot where working politicians can come to relax and get away from it all. But of course that would be only one side of the island. The other side must be Party Central. This is where the up and coming fashion models will be flown in for massive orgies with the politicos ready to whoop it up. If we secure an island outside of US territory we can also keep storage sheds full of high powered illegal drugs. After all, the countries that produce those, are our friends.



Unfortunately when I was in the same auditorium with Chelsea I knew this wasnt the time to lay down the Game. It was 11 am and I had already finished a bottle of scotch with Luis for breakfast and I was aware that I was not completely on point. No...this was not the time to make a first impression, especially not on the daughter of the ex-president. If was going to be successful I'd have to to it straight, or after a few nitrous shots to get me goofy. Flirting with Politics and Flirting with women are two totally different things, and two that should never be combined, for obvious reasons.



Just follow the gossip--Pretty soon you'll see Chelsea with me in the South of France hiding out in a little bungalow and the papparazi's will be completely puzzled as to why questionable looking figures keep coming in the back door dressed in nothing but leather and mesh, brandishing whips and inflatable sheep.



Let the good times roll

DMS